Becoming

I've always felt like I live in a state of becoming, and that the real world existed just past my finger tips. For the first time in my life I solidly feel like I am who I am, I know who I am, and I'm not seeking or working toward becoming someone or something. 

(I swear I was 1/3 an English major.)

It's a shame that it took me until I was 26 to be comfortable and unapologetic about who I am, embrace it, and love it. Me. 

I was talking to a friend the other day and casually said, "I feel the best about myself now than I ever have before." She just kept repeating, "Damn, that's a good thing to say." I hadn't even thought about it before I said it, but I reexamined it in my head and it was true, deafeningly so.

That's not to say that this time in my life is one without struggle, emotional break downs, or my occasional tendencies towards melancholy, but it's a point where I've finally ponied up and laid it out for that formerly anxious little girl:

This is what I want out of life

This is what is important for me to achieve

This is what I'm proud of

This is what I need to let go of

These are the tendencies that make you unhappy

It's okay not to know what's next

Let things happen

Mostly though, it was learning to let go. 

Letting go of old embarrassments, old loves, and old soul shattering pains. 

Or maybe it was the embracing- myself- my quirks, insecurities, and limitations.

And of course I'm always working towards becoming the best version of myself, it's just finally I'm aware of who I am and that right here and now, as is, I am just okay!