N'Phiri

I'm response to the many questions about homestay:

N'Phiri is the name given to me by my host mother, (aka my Amayi.) She started calling me N'Phiri as we became closer; it was right around the time she actually started calling me her daughter. 

Phiri is her surname and by giving it to me, my Amayi claims me. I am hers and I belong to her family. It is sweet and intimate. Few other volunteers have been given family names. I absolutely adore it. 

Her name is Judith and I am basically enamored with her. Not only is she a total bad ass, but she's so smart, funny, strong, loving and just a pillar of a woman. She left Zambia and an abusive husband, got on a bus with her children, and came to Malawi and started a new life. She worked and went to school in Zambia until her husband made her quit her job. She is one of our village chiefs, part of the village loan program, and she has her own personal IGA and garden to support her family. Her children are dead, but two of her grandchildren live with her, and one of them has a baby. This woman is so, so proud of me. It's almost intimidating. She loves to teach me everything: how to cook, words in Chichewa, new chores and work, directions, facts, and  just having me interact with her family in general. I feel so indebted to her already-and so spoiled! She boils water for me to filter and drink, warms water for my daily morning and evening baths, cooks meals and makes snacks for me to take to "school" explains.. everything, and is just generally so good to me. I just feel like there has been so much kindness and love that I'll never truly be able to repay.

 We have a list of things to learn/ accomplish while living in homestay that our amayis must check off each week. My Amayi was utterly perplexed that taking a bucket bath was on the list. She asked me rather hesitantly if Id ever bathed before, back in America. I tried to explain showering, but water coming out of a wall in my broken Chichewa and her broken English mostly only translated to "yeah, I bathe, just not outside in a straw hut with a bucket." I'm just glad she didn't ask me to further elaborate on pooping in a hole and why that was on the list.  

I've also had to relearn washing dishes. Every morning surrounded by ducks and chickens and some stray dogs I wash dishes outdoors with Dolene. First, I've had to reevaluate my understanding of "clean" as we wash with untreated water that is clearly murky and dirty. Secondly, we use dirt as a scrubbing agent to get rid of the blackened reminants of the open flame. Yes, the same dirt where the chickens are hanging out. My only real solice here is that the dishes sit outside in that Africa sun all day which kills a lot of the germs/bacteria. (If this is untrue, please don't  tell me. I prefer to live without in-depth knowledge on the subject until I have control over washing my own dishes.)

Often, I feel like the families must be annoyed with all the volunteers; we must come across as incompetent, spoiled, and weak as we are just now learning all the things that girls here learned when they were only in grade school, or younger. In some cases we lack the strength or ability to even complete the tasks.

I asked my Amayi how she felt about Americans because we are so different and have led such different lives. (Mostly because sometimes I'm just so embarrassed to be an American here.) She responded saying there was no difference between us, the village felt lucky to have us, as people we are the same, that we are family, and that she loves me. It was a significant moment for me and that shaped much of my homestay experience. 

Shumblyr and Dolene are Judith's grandchildren. Shumblyr has a son, Cliff, who is 1 year old, and from what I can understand, she is married to his father but he has abandoned her. Dolene is 17 and in school, Shumblyr is 22 and going back to school. They are also both amazing powerhouses and I am seriously lucky to spend time with them every day. They've taughte what I need to know to survive here.

 It's interesting to see how their lives have differed from mine at their ages versus when I was 17 and 22. I still see occasional signs of childhood, but mostly their futures and roles are already assigned to them. I once tried to ask Dolene what she wanted out of life- what she wanted to do or be, where she wanted to live, and my Amayi immediately shot me down saying her grandchildren would live with her and that was the end of it. There aren't options here in many cases. These girls have been little women way longer than they were ever allowed to be children, I'm sure. They all work silently and in tandem knowing their roles and responsibilities. And all of them work extremely hard.

Since their mother is dead and I am Judith's daughter, they call me " wa mama" and treat me as their mother. This is something I don't think I'll ever feel comfortable with, especially because they teach me so many things and take care of me on a daily basis. Frankly, I'd be way more comfortable calling them my sisters.. But that seems like it's not in the cards. 

One of the more regrettable things about homestay is that I'm learning a different language than what my family speaks. This is a regional language for the northern part of Malawi so it's not as beneficial for traveling/ working in Malawi,  and it just furthers the communication gap between my family and me. That was a hard pill for me to swallow initially. However, I keep having these amazing conversations and moments with my family and when I think back and remember that we don't speak the same language I am always amazed. Human connection transcends language. It continually blows my mind.

A couple answers to the questions I've been getting:

I live in Dombolera, a village in Kasungu district, about 10 kilometers from the market (boma) and about 5 miles from the mountain/ Kasungu national park. It's interconnected to Chinkhombwe another village about 20 minutes away where most of the Peace Corps trainings take place and a little bit over half of the volunteers stay. We walk back and forth multiple times a day. It's become one of my favorite parts of the day.

My house has no furniture. It is brick with a thatched roof. There are 3 rooms, 2 bed rooms and a living room--and an outdoor chimbuzi (toilet/ hole in the ground) and outdoor kitchen with a constant fire both detached from the house. I sleep under a mosquito net every night and read by a kerosine lamp. (I may have already burnt a hole in my net. Whoops!)

Well, that's all I can think of for now! Catch you cats later.

Village living

It's been 2 weeks that I've been living in Dombolera village, Kasungu district Malawi. There are so many things..

First of all, the nights--I've never experienced such full and total darkness before. This blackness creeps in each afternoon around 6 and slowly consumes everything. Sometimes it feels almost shameful to use my head lamp and disturb it. Seriously even in the most deserted places, I've never experienced anything this complete, and I've never seen the sky so littered with stars. I can see the Milky Way. It's incredible. 

This whole experience seems so big that it's hard to know where to start. 

I guess it's important to say that this has been amazing and at times so incredibly disheartening. It really is something I have to take one day at a time and not think about long term or I freak out. Sometimes when I truly acknowledge that this is my life for two years I feel so lucky and infinitely happy, other times, it makes me panicky and I struggle with that reality. There is so much work that goes into this, so much initiation, so much room for failure, so much learning I need to take on, and so many aspects of Malawian culture that really challenge all of my big anxieties-and on the flip side so many amazing things that can come out of this, it's really limitless. That gives me hope, and slowly I begin to believe in what we are doing.

Literally every single thing about Peace Corps makes this a total crap shoot.

Right now I live with the most incredible host family known to man and spend 6 days a week going to Peace Corps training from 8-5. I study the language, get tech trainings, go to medical sessions, get approximately a billion shots, visit rural health facilities, hang out with/ check little Malawian babies (feel free to be jealous) for malnutrition, learn about nutrition/ how to cook indigenous foods (YUM!) plant gardens, learn about gender equality, HIV, gender equality,  visit traditional community healers, way more than I care to think about with rape, and that's only the first 3 weeks. 

There is so much to say about the other volunteers and what an incredible godsend they are, what it's like to live with poor sanitation, no running water or electricity, and with my host family. So much that I'll have to save it for another post!

A few quick stories for context:

A chicken flew into my bedroom through my window today.

Deodorant, toilet paper, and diapers aren't really done by the locals- it's more of a westernized thing.

A fellow volunteer stepped on a mouse in her room.

Every weekend night there's a dance circle with the girls in the village, and lord they can wooork it.

Peace Corps dedicated an entire session to the types of diarrhea we would encounter over the next two years. Among the volunteers using the chimbuzi is talked about at least twice a day. Often more. Fiber pills for the win.

Singing, dancing, and eating Nsema is a way of life here.

Smart volunteers have pee buckets in their bedrooms to avoid night time runs to the "chim"

We talk about the foods we miss way too much. (Red wine, pizza, cheese, chocolate! UGH!)

I do dishes with chicken and ducks every morning.

5:30 am is wake up time.

I bathe twice a day here but have resolved myself to knowing that I'll never really be clean for the next two years of my life. More to come on that subject later.

Lastly, the mail I've gotten is incredible and has been such a joy for me. Thank you so much!!! Please keep it coming!

Taking up Room.

I guess it's helpful to post the dates I'm writing these as they will all be uploaded at the same time. (You know, as soon as I finally figure out how to get a SIM card working for an iPhone 5!)

Despite the unanticipated problems with my phone, it's actually been pretty liberating to be so disconnected. I didn't realize how vital it was to get that space from home when doing something like this. It bonds the volunteers together like woah, it keeps you from pining about what you've left behind, it changes your focus, and helps you to really be present and live in the moment and be part of your environment..says the girl typing from her iPhone in her African village.

Anyway it's March 24th.

Today was a good day.

Every so often the volunteers will catch ourselves doing something awesome, or just enjoying how beautiful it is and saying something like, "You guys, can you believe we're doing yoga in Africa right now?" While this probably sounds ridiculous, it's still hard to believe that I'm a world away from what has always been my life. 

And while I'm still completely confined by Peace Corps, each step we take, from MIM, to our home stay village, to our site placement is an intentional baby step for us. They are actually doing an incredible job of easing us into our lives here. And slowly exposing us to new things, rural hospitals for instance. Home stay, however, while such an amazing experience, is so regulated and limiting that I know I'll soon grow really tired of my lack of control over my own life.

For instance, we can't leave our houses after dark, which is 6pm. Also, I'm a stone's throw away from Kasungu National Park  and Kasungu mountain but am forbidden to go to either because the flies in the park carry sleeping sickness, and the mountain has spitting cobras, hyenas, and Rastafarians protecting their fields of chomba. Peace Corps is pretty adamant about us avoiding both. 

Boo! I want to see the animals damn it!

But yeah, man. Ultimately, I'm in Africa.

My guilty pleasure is slipping away to read a few pages of Maya Angelou's I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings whenever I can, but those times are very limited. I've actually struggled quite a bit not having enough alone time- and not wanting to miss out on the time I do have with my fellow volunteers before I'm alone for real. But every experience and interaction is so rich and diverse, I'm lucky to have this problem. And it seems that being alone=loneliness is the cultural understanding which my Malawian friends will not tolerate.

Last thought of the evening, 

I hate how big my presence is in this house. I only brought a back pack and two canvas shopping bags with me, however, Peace Corps keeps giving us things that we can't or aren't allowed to share. I have about 7 books from them, a water filter, bike, hoe, machete, mosquito net, mattress, pillow, bag, binder,  kerosene lamp, and two blankets. I imagine we will only keep accumulating things during this time. I am now so hyper aware of all of my things, and how much space I take up. Especially because they were required to vacate one room for each of us (my entire family sleeps in one bedroom to accommodate me) and my family literally owns nothing but their houses, clothes, a few buckets, a mat to sit on to eat dinner, a few pots, and plates, and a few acres of land for growing green maize, ground nuts, and soya beans. Here I am, seemingly with everything and unable to really share it. It makes me feel very ashamed. This makes my previous understanding of inequity so real and sickeningly tangible. Except this time Im not advocating for others to have more, but for all the rest of us to have much, much less.

It's getting real.

Today was the first time things became a little more real for me when I saw my first rural village and struggled with the language. The combination caused a moment of panic. I move in with a host family tomorrow and am expected to communicate with them speaking Chichewa, but I can just barely exchange simple greetings.

Time is absolutely flying. I canNOT believe I'll be living with a host family so soon. I feel unprepared, and I'm scared, but I've also been looking forward to this ever since I received my invitation. 

Today I made my first visit to a village. It was about a mile or so from the compound where we are staying. We walked through corn fields, gardens, past goats, road side stands, and long grass to get there. There's a lot I want to say about it, but ultimately I just feel like I need to process the whole thing. While I was as prepared as I could be, I still feel like the wind was knocked out of me. I don't know though, everyone else seemed just fine. Seriously though, those kids.

In all other aspects, I am incredibly happy with everything about my life right now.

The volunteers are amazing and I really feel like I've found my people! We care about the same things, we have the same worries, we all are living out our values, and love hanging out. Most importantly, we are all in this together, supporting one another and going through the same things together. The best part is, everyone feels the same way and says it often. I can only imagine this camaraderie grows as the struggles do. 

It sounds like 10-15% of the volunteer classes end up leaving each year either because they can't handle it, or in most cases, for medical reasons. Either way, this is a sad reality. 

There is a saying that I've heard multiple times since I've been here, "Nothing works in Africa, but everything works out."  I hope that saying is true to our experiences, at least the second part.

Anyway, tomorrow the real Malawian experience begins and with it my stomach is a ball of nervous excitement!

Baboons are worth it

A list of things I wasn't aware that I should fear in Malawi:

Baboon attacks

Getting scratched by a monkey 

Finding worms in my intestines/ stool

Men hiding in corn fields

My malaria meds (possible: lucid dreams, sickness, anxiety, psychosis, depression)

Rabid dog attacks

Sleeping sickness

My list of previous fears which has grown amplified since arriving in country:

Malaria (it's malaria season, we are covered in bites, and our medicine isn't fully effective yet. Fingers crossed!!)

Poisonous snakes:

Black mamba, spitting cobras, puff adder, boomslang etc. all have been encountered by current volunteers in threatening circumstances. All of which I imagine live outside of my future latrine in the dark of night.

As our no nonsense Russian support staff would say, "if you do thees things, you vill die." 

Having said all of this, I'm still psyched to see a baboon.. From a distance.

The Warm Heart

Malawi feels like a paradise.

It's weather is spectacular, the flora and fauna are breathtaking, and the people are kind. Although the last few days have been a crazy blur, and lots of work, I feel at peace and rejuvenated just being here.

(Obviously take this all with a grain of salt as my experience has been limited to the airport and short drive to the MIM compound where we are staying, which itself is very westernized and well maintained. I haven't had the full experience.)

Today was my first full day in country. Yesterday started at 2 am EST March 6th when we boarded a shuttle from Philly to JFK. We then waited a few hours for the South African terminal to open, we got through security, and boarded our flight. The 14.5 hour flight was uncomfortable and long, but ultimately not that bad. After not sleeping/ barely sleeping for the past few nights, sleep was most welcomed during both flights.

We landed in South Africa and rushed through customs to make our connection only to experience our first power surge in Africa. Most of the volunteers were through security, but four were left behind. They were unable to get through without electricity  because their bags needed scanned. The delay was so long we feared they would miss our flight. Little did we realize that the power surge would affect our flight so greatly. The volunteers made it in what seemed to be the nick of time, but it turned out to be hours before we would leave the runway. The lack of power screwed up the cargo situation making us leave hours after our flight was supposed to arrive in Malawi.

After sleeping the entire 2.5 hour flight, we reached Malawi groggy, or at least I did. As soon as we got off the plane we saw a large group of Peace Corps staff and volunteers waving with a banner and calling to us. What a beautiful welcome to the Warm Heart of Africa!

Again we walked through customs and then to baggage claim. We waited and waited and waited before accepting that 35% - 40% of our baggage didn't make it from South Africa (due to the power surge conveyer belt issue.) This includes the bag with my medicine and all of my clothes. This was an unfortunate circumstance, but I could only care so much, I WAS IN AFRICA.

I AM IN AFRICA. Gosh, I'm still wondering, is this for real?

We drove to the MIM compound and began with training around 5 pm March 6th. (Malawi time is 7 hours ahead.) The entire endeavor lasted about 19 hours.  We chose our Malaria prophlaxyis, received our, first chichintaes, and ate our first authentic Malawi cuisine. The rest of yesterday is fuzzy and my days are definitely running together.  I can say that in my overly tired state, the first photo I took is of my mosquito net hanging around my bed. It just seemed so damn charming. It was also effective as I had a few guys buzzing around trying to get to me all night.

This morning I woke up more well rested and excited than perhaps I've ever been. Our day started at 7 am and for some, it lasted until 9 pm. We began our day with a Malawian song and dance followed by tea time. The beginning trainings and interviews were all lovely. Everything seems so possible and obtainable. Everyone here is my cheerleader and it's contagious.

After convincing myself all day and previous night that my luggage might  never make it back to me and I might have to part with my Keens, Chacos, and birth control for good, a beautiful little surprise came in the mail. I received my first letter in Malawi. It was totally unexpected and such a completely wonderful surprise. Jessica Turner, an Episcopal volunteer from Baltimore had sent me a card. It was perfect and made me so happy! I just wished she'd left a forwarding address so I could return the favor. Throughout the day I had more shots (typhoid suuucks) bonded with some other volunteers, received my first allowance of kwacha, and just generally enjoyed my surroundings. Later in the day, after coming to peace with losing a bunch of material possessions, my second surprise came in the form if my missing luggage. I've never been so damn delighted in my entire life.

Today has been so great and there have been so many affirming moments where it's been clear to me that this is where I belong and that I've made the right choice. I still don't feel very close with any particular volunteer yet, but I'm hoping that will come with time.

It's definitely time for some laundry in the shower and then bed. (This compound has all the amenities!)

I can't wait for tomorrow and to see how much of this optimism fades when we finally leave the compound and experience real Malawian life.

Peace Corps Staging Impressions

So, I'm often terrible with gauging first impressions.

But I've got to say, these  Malawi Peace Corps volunteers are some fine, quality human beings. It is always thrilling to be around like-minded, passionate people who give a damn. Already, we've dabbled in critical discussions about development, sustainability, the pain of leaving loved ones behind. We've shared a meal, some joys, and our anxieties.

Ultimately, I think I'll come to find a home and community within them. Though I don't want to get too excited and end up disappointing myself. I'm open to whatever happens, (but I'm not so secretly hoping for life long friends and a really strong community!)

Frankly I'm surprised at the amount of people who are:

Right out of college
Relatively unskilled for service, (like me!)
Not extremely liberal, I was expecting to be on the moderate end of the spectrum. Comparatively, I'm pretty far on the (hippie) liberal side it turns out. Where's the patchwork and the patchouli guys?
Placed in the health field without a health background

The entire day has been unifying for me in ways I've never really understood before. I guess this is the rush that fuels sports fans, or what patriotism feels like? I can imagine those feelings will only get stronger as we rely on each other for support throughout training. It's like I'm already bonded with and feel affection for people who are effectively strangers.

Anywhoo,

Something our staging director said today deeply resonated with me as well as everyone else. "This is the first time you are around people with whom you won't have to justify making this decision." It was like a weight lifted. No more explaining, no more managing expectations and emotions--we are finally here, together, and we all obviously get it! We understand! So maybe I can't capture the moment with words right now, but

God. That felt so good.

It was so good to know we all share similar anxieties and are committed to conquering them together.

Enough about all that sappy stuff.

I've gotten overwhelming amounts of love and support from friends which has been moving and amazing. It's made me feel even stronger and more resolute. Saying goodbye to my family was super hard but ultimately liberating. I feel like I've been inside an emotional and unintentional guilt ridden prison for the last week, because I'm leaving, because that was my decision, and because that's a hard thing for many people. This is not to say they don't support me and that they're not proud of me, they are--they just don't want to see me go. As soon as they left, I finally felt free to be happy about this decision and I just keep feeling better and better about it.

I'm sure I'll turn into Captain Anxiety again soon, just not today. In 2 hours I board a shuttle to take me to a plane, to take me to the next stage of my life!

I'm feeling so good and so strong. I couldn't have hoped to be in a better place right now.

It looks like I probably won't have access to my phone or internet during my 2 month training period, but if I do, I'll make a serious effort to update. I hope you enjoy / are looking forward to stories of latrines, stomach illness, awkward and incompatible attempts at initial conversation, cultural  misunderstandings, little victories, first world blunders, volunteer connections, home sickness, hilarious encounters, weird food, weird bugs, weird smells, and stories of grace, and gratitude.

I love you all. So deeply.

(PS. Download Whatsapp on your phone to text me! It seems like a better bet than Viber!)

Way past my bedtime..

And I can't bring myself to go to sleep.

Its my adult version of Christmas Eve, except instead of presents, the morning changes everything.

I first have to muster all my strength and emotional stoicism to say my final goodbyes to the family. Next, I have to be funny,  incredibly charming, and witty and make friends with other PCVs. Afterward, I am sure to receive what is bound to be an overwhelming amount of Peace Corps information.
Lastly, PROCESSING.

In exactly 24 hours, I'll be catching the shuttle from Philadelphia to JFK with the other volunteers to board the 15 hour flight to Johannesburg.

Africa is so close I can taste it.
Adventure is just a day away.

Packing List

Here is my packing list for my 27 months in Peace Corps, Malawi.

Currently I have one 35lb pound hiking back pack, a large 50lb Eagle Creek bag-- both of which will be checked luggage. I also have a JansSport backpack as a carry on, as well as my Kavu rope bag carry on.

I may have taken more clothes that other PCVs, but I don't know that I'll be able to find clothes my size in Malawi.

Random:

3 carabiners
1 Nalgene water bottle
1 Contigo water bottle
3 Head lamps
1 compass
1 tire patch kit for biking
1 miniature air pump for bicycle
1 bike light
2 luggage tags
1 knife pliers set
2 packs of cards
2 journals
2 mini notebooks
1 sewing kit
1 canvass bag
1 laundry bag
2 books of stamps
2 packs of envelops
10 bubble envelopes
6 pack of tape
2 rolls of duct tape
1 pair of scissors
3 spools of sturdy string/ rope
1 packet of bungee cords
1 planner/ address book
2 packs of zip ties
US dollars
1 watch
2 pairs of glasses
2 pairs of sunglasses
1 pair prescription sunglasses
Books, books, books
Lots of pens!
Safety pins
A few different money belts
So maaaany photos

Camping:

1 tent-- Texsport Saguaro Bivy Shelter Tent
1 sleeping bag-- eureka copper river 30 degree weather
1 tube tent sealant
1 magnesium fire starter

Electronics:

2 head phones
3 zip drives
1 (?) external hard drive
1 TB external hard drive
1 kindle
1 tablet
1 laptop
1 Iphone 5c
1 Ipod
1 Canon PowerShot SX160 IS 16.0 MP Digital Camera
1 Polaroid PIC-300P Instant Film Analog Camera (host gifts)
1 solar panel  USB charger
7 packs triple A batteries
5 packs double A batteries
2 USB rechargeable batteries

Toiletries:

1 Diva cup
1 scrub brush
3 bars of soap
1 manicure set (nail clippers, cuticle cutters, etc.)
2 sets of hair ties
1 container of bobby pins
2 tubes of toothpaste
3 tooth brushes
3 bars of deodorant
2 tubes mascara
a few assorted eyeliners
3 Burts Bees
1 head band
2 packs of ear plugs
1 sunscreen stick for face
1 pencil sharpener
1 wash cloth gloves
1 bottle of face wash
1 shampoo
1 conditioner
1 box baking soda (for dry and wet shampoo)
2 boxes of floss
2 hand sanitizers
1 mirror and compact mirror
1 emory board
1 pack of q-tips
A few bandaids
1 pack of tissues
1 10 oz tub of Coconut oil (used for cooking, for lotion, and for natural deodorant with baking soda)

Medicine: 

3 packs of birth control
1 pack azithromycin
1 pack of ciprofloxacin
1 bottle of Ibuprofen
2 packs of AZO
1 bottle of papaya

Kitchen: 

1 frying pan
1 kitchen knife
1 spoon
1 spatula
1 set of measuring spoons
1 set of measuring cups
1 veggie peeler
5 seed packets
1 pack of 40 quart Ziploc baggies

Clothing:

1 rain coat
1 pair of hiking boots--Keen Women's Susanville Mid Hiking Boot
1 pair of chacos
2 pairs of Keens-- Keen Venice, Keen whispers (water shoes)
2 pairs of flats for professional wear
2 belts
2 Gator Skins thermal long sleeve shirts-- http://www.gator-skins.com/
1 pair Gator Skins thermal pants
1 pair Gator Skins thermal shorts
7 tee shirts
10 tank tops
1 shrug to wear over tank tops
7  long mid calf length skirts
5 dresses
2 pair long pants
5 leggings
2 sporty shorts
1 quick dry zip up
1 sweater
2 sweatshirts
1 pair sweatpants
1 swim suit
12 pair underwear
6 bras
Lots of socks both for warm and cool weather

Big things are coming our way, baby.

You know those experiences that everyone says are going to just change your life forever? Welp, they say Peace Corps is one of them. You enter into service a normal blue blooded (hippie, activist type) American and exit a global citizen (more aware than ever of greed, material possessions, and exploitation of marginalized communities, etc.)

Its a lot of pressure.
To enter into something with the expectation that you'll come out the other side.. different.

And yes, duh, it will obviously change things. That's the whole point, right?

But, Its a little intimidating knowing the expectations other people have for my experience--and on so many varying levels.

However on the flip side, I can't tell you how many times people have sweetly, and with great intentions told me to, "have fun on my trip!!!" And I feel a slight sting to the ego and a little bit of bruised pride. This isn't a "trip" and I'm not going to "have fun." This is my life, my future for the next 2 years! This is a effort to learn, experience, to serve, and to create positive change. This is so much more than that!!

And there it is folks, great expectations, on both sides.